i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
