Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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