we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
