just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
