I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
