we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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