I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
