Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
