So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
