like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
