Can Purell be used as lube?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
