I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
