How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
