Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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