im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
