I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
