She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
