I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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