I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
