Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
