so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
