It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
