I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
