and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
