was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
