three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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