this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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