I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
