i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
