Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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