I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
