Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
