update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
