I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
