god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
