Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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