You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
