Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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