1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
