so explain again why im purple
no
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
