After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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