I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
