So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
