she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
