where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
