are you so shy because you have an std?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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