No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
