So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
