I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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