I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
