I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
