Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
