You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
