Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
